Loving Bravely

By Karen Crawford

When I was about 15 years old my parents told me that my oldest brother, about 22 years old, had informed them he was gay.  To me, this was very bad news.  I was raised in the church and the only thing that had ever been discussed about this issue was that you couldn't go to heaven if you were homosexual.  So I was sure what that meant for his eternal salvation and it broke my heart. 

With this new information our family began to study and discuss the issue in more depth.  My parents were compelled to explain in every detail and from every angle why his lifestyle was wrong according to the Bible.  Letters were sent back and forth between all of us.  There were many tears shed through some hard conversations.  At the end of all that we had come to the conclusion we had to agree to disagree.  The more challenging part was still to come.  My parents struggled with how to continue to love and share life with their son, and I had to figure out the same in my relationship with him as a sister.  My parents were concerned about making sure their interaction with him and his life partner in no way condoned the lifestyle, but they didn't want to push him away.   

As I became a young adult I wrestled with what I believed the Bible really had to say about the issue. How would I not become a “homophobe” without throwing out what I believed and therefore abandoning my faith? To me it was very clear what the Bible said about that kind of lifestyle and I couldn't justify throwing those parts of scripture out without throwing the whole thing.  Thankfully, my relationship with God was well established by that time.  I trusted the Bible and I put my faith in what Jesus had come to do for all people.  I desperately needed to understand the purpose of God’s Word on a much deeper level.  I began to realize that sin is sin.  Any life that is lived apposing God’s perfect plan is a life lived apart from a relationship with God, and a relationship with God is what it’s all about.  I still felt a responsibility to bring him back to God, to “save” him.  He’s my brother and I wanted all good things for him, but the Holy Spirit kept   reminding me that it was not my job to save him, nor did I have the ability to do so anyway.  God freed me to live as his sister instead of his savior.  After being released of that burden, it allowed me to begin enjoying my time with him instead of feeling nervous and awkward around him.  I was able to start getting to know his life partner and begin to love him too.

There was an extra dynamic to figure out when my husband and I starting having kids of our own.  Our kids have two uncles instead of an uncle and aunt.  We decided that we would refer to my brother’s life partner as “uncle” because that was the place in the family that he was in, regardless of his and my brother’s relationship with God.  We viewed it the same as if my brother had turned away from God and married a non-Christian woman.  Would that woman not be my kids’ aunt because she wasn’t saved and for that matter would my brother cease to be their uncle?  Of course not.  We had to break down the cultural stigma opposed to that lifestyle as well as the agenda of those in favor of it.      

Now I feel blessed to have had this experience because now I can explain to my kids the truth about the Bible and a deeper understanding of this difficult issue.  This situation has also helped me see people a little closer to the way God does.  We are all broken and unworthy no matter what path we take away from God.  And the only way to become whole is recognizing how broken we really are and surrendering all of us to what Jesus did so that the Spirit can transform us.  None of our goodness is our own doing but the work of Him in us.      

God’s Twisted Journey to Motherhood

By Kate Stucker

Today is a date I will always cherish in my heart.  A day that changed my life forever.  A day that ushered into my life a

women whom with I share a kinship and bond that cannot be duplicated.  Exactly two years ago Ryan and I sat across from this young woman, eating pizza, sharing our lives, and discussing what was going to happen in two days’ time.  We received a call just a mere four days before that she had decided we would be the adoptive parents to her son.  She and hit it off immediately… that is as well as two shy women in an awkward situation could ever hit it off.  We had common job experience, hopes, dreams, and a desire to give one special boy the best life he could possibly have.

My journey to motherhood is one that the planner in me would have never in a million years designed.  In fact my plans were completely different.  Having a heart for adoption far before my husband and I met I pursued the adoption of a young girl, a girl I haven’t seen in almost 10 years, but I still often find on my heart to pray for.  That adoption didn’t happen for a few reasons, but it did open the door for me to foster parent and confirmed to me that one day I would be an adoptive mom.  During our courtship I communicated clearly to Ryan my desire to adopt and he shared the hope as well.  Our plan was to have biological children and then adopt via fostercare once our biological children were older… God’s plan was completely different. 

A short two months after our wedding I was diagnosed with a serious lung condition.  The treatment of the condition, not to mention the condition itself, prohibited us from even trying to conceive.  It was a devastating blow to me followed by a cycle of flare-ups, illness, depression, and a realization that I may never be a mom.  During a time of prayer and seeking direction for what I was supposed to do with this reality my heart was once again turned towards adoption and after talking with Ryan we decided to move forward. 

The adoption agency listened to the reasons we wanted to be parents and why we couldn’t have biological children of our own.   They were amazing, great at their jobs, and devastatingly honest… due to my health we may have difficulty finding a placement. 

One afternoon I got a call from my pulmonologist who asked me to sit down and then told me he as working on the physician approval for our homestudy.  He quickly recapped my history and confirmed he was unsure of what the future held for me.  I was stable at the moment, but continued flares would mean I would require a lung transplant and due to the uncertainty of my medical future he could not declare on the adoption paperwork that I had a normal life expectancy.  It was another gut wrenching reality that we forged ahead through with the belief that we were moving in God’s will. 

When it came time for us to designate what we would and would not accept in a placement we had been through a series of thorough trainings about everything from medical conditions, genetic history information, open vs. closed adoption etc.  We had things we decided we just couldn’t handle medically, socially, or family history-wise, but they were few and far between. We also decided we wanted an open adoption… after what I had gone through medically we wanted to be able to have continued contact for health and genetic history information as needed as well as providing our child with a face, name, and information about where he or she came from. 

The longer the adoption process went on, the more doubt would bubble up inside me.  “If God really wanted me to be a mother wouldn’t he have made that a possibility?”  “Am I trying to defy God by using adoption as a work around to become a parent?”  “Maybe I really am not healthy enough to be a mom and need to just wait until God opens the door.” 

During the wait we received information about who was seeing our profiles, told when we were passed over for another family, and given little tid bits of information about birth mothers who were seeking placement.  In early September an email arrived describing a birth mom and the child she was carrying, a mom working with a different agency and not finding placement options, would we like to seek placement with her.  There were some medical concerns with the baby, but after reading about the diagnosis and praying we decided “yes”.  I thought about this baby constantly, waiting for emails saying what placement option the birthmother chose, and I can admit now what I never would have admitted then, I felt like this baby was my child.  A month went by with no information and in a bubble over of doubt and emotion during Bible study one morning I asked the women to pray for me because I felt like our adoption process was at a standstill and maybe we were seeking adoption against God’s will.  Not ten minutes went by after Bible study dismissal and I received the call that would change my life forever.  She picked us!  She didn’t want to meet us and decided, she didn’t need a phone interview, she knew we were it and wanted to meet us on Monday (It was Thursday)… oh and by the way, her C-section is scheduled for Wednesday. 

My journey into motherhood became richer and more blessed from the day of that call onward.  In two days my hero of a boy will be two.  Two years of life that have been through more medically than most adults will ever see.  Two years that have confirmed the ordeals of my lung disease and illness were part of God’s plan.  A plan to prepare me to be able to medically advocate for a helpless baby, to empathize with some of his procedural pain, and force me to quit a job I loved so I would be free and available to be the mommy he needed.  God’s plan ended up being fairly twisted when looked at from my humanly perspective sometimes I wonder if I caused some of the bends in my road or if what I consider a bend in the road is just a little heavenly nudge in the right direction.  If my journey thus far has taught me anything it is to pray God’s will and just keep moving forward… if it isn’t His will He will close the door and if it is it may take time, some growth, and possibly some pain, but it will be worth it in the end.

To read more about Kate, her family, and their story check out her blog at http://www.kateandcaboodle.com/

MOPS October Newsletter

Brave Mom Monthly Feature

To celebrate all the brave things the moms of Eagle MOPS have, are, and will do I want to open up the opportunity for you to share through writing.  One of my goals as publicity coordinator is to have a blog post go out each week we are not meeting as a MOPS group to help keep us connected and get to know each other.  I will also publish them in our newsletter as space allows.  Please consider contributing towards this effort by writing a blog entry and submitting it, along with picture(s) if you’d like, with the subject line MOPS Monthly Feature to kateandcaboodle@gmail.com.  Here are some ideas to write about:

• “Speak” out-loud what your “brave” is by sharing a challenge you are facing
• Go through a chapter in the A Be you, Bravely Guidebook and share what you learned
• Share a picture of the bravest thing you’ve ever done and write a caption or short paragraph to accompany it.
• Share a humorous, encouraging or though-provoking personal story.
• Share your road to motherhood or a personal journey you’ve been on.
• Try a new challenging (to you) DIY or recipe and write about the experience.
• Share a tip or advice to help make a mom’s life easier (organization, planning, scheduling, parenting, relationships, traveling and budgeting, etc.)

Note:  If you’d like to share a story, but prefer it not be published on the blog and only be put in our print/email newsletter or on the private Facebook group we can definitely make that happen as well, just communicate that with your submission.

MOMSnext meeting

 

September meeting will Thursday September 11th at 7:15 pm at Lucky Perk Coffee Shop 8925 Overland Rd., Boise             

 

As moms, we sometimes lose ourselves in our kids. Then the kids head off to school and we are left to find ourselves again. We all have a deep desire to connect with others, so this week we will be discussing how to be brave and connect with new people and start up conversations.

Plus:

Let's put an end to boring lunches: Please bring a kid's lunchbox recipe with enough food for 15 people to sample. If you would be willing, you can also bring 15 copies of the recipe/directions for others. We will be creating a document with all the ideas to put on our facebook page.

Click here to join our MOMSnext facebook group